Saturday, 21 May 2016

Time waits for no man unless you need a workout app



Saturday 21st May
Distance: 2:10 miles Time: 30.46 Avg Speed: 3.53mph Avg Pace 15.72min/mile
Calories Burned 292                                                Calories Burned TOTAL: 1042


Time plays tricks on you, doesn’t it? The other week I worked in a school where every time I looked at my watch after what seemed like an hour, a mere 5 minutes had passed it was the longest day spent with the most rude, obnoxious and unpleasant children I had taught in a long time. Then other days like Thursday this week I have a Reception class for PE and an hour passes in 5 minutes. It is in fact the greatest pleasure of my week to have those 4 and 5 year olds for PE, every week I consider it a success if they all have their trousers on the right way round at the end of the lesson. This week the score was;
          trousers back to front:   0
          jumpers reversed:         0          
          shoes on wrong feet:     0
jumpers on upside down: 0 (yes, before you ask, it is possible, ask any Reception teacher)
However this week I have a new one to add to the list, that is- both legs in one leg of shorts- the overall effect created a flapping leg which had something of the Vivienne Westwood about it. What is most endearing about these children is that they are totally oblivious and last week as one boy lined up with his trousers on back to front I had to giggle to myself at just how nonchalantly he stood with his hands in his reversed pockets! I do enjoy my morning in Reception.

But back to my point about time tricks, we all know the adages about time flying when we are enjoying ourselves and conversely dragging when we are waiting for something, well today I had the ‘time standing still when you can’t get a dammed signal’ experience. I always track my runs with the Endomondo App which in itself is good and reliable. What I have had to factor in is the ‘location signal availability factor’ as sometimes, as this morning, I lose the signal and then come to a grinding halt whilst I jiggle and jump about in a vain attempt to encourage a satellite up there to see me and log me back on. I had been pootling along quite nicely and had run down to Hyde Park Corner, round by Wrangthorn Church, round a few back streets and back onto Victoria Road, then diverted down Chestnut Avenue, along Welton Road and was heading back up Cardigan Road when a message flashed up. Now the important factor to remember here is that old age has brought about many changes to my body. I list here;
Unmoveable fatty lumps and bumps
Undefeatable silver grey strands of hair around the temples and crown
Unfillable cracks and crevices around the eyes
Unexcusable (yeah I know it should be inexcusable but allow me some authorial creativity here) creaks and cracks when I bend down to pick something up
Undeniable lapses of memory about what I was going into a room for
Unpalatable bouts of indigestion and heartburn
Unenviable appearances of little, stubby, grey chin hairs  
Unfathomable conversations with oneself
And of course the marker of the ageing process that cannot be hidden, dyed, botoxed, massaged, retraced, medicated, plucked or ignored;
Unable to read without glasses.

My need for reading glasses happened at about age 48. I had managed to avoid them up to this point and I actually felt a little smug about this fact. Oh pride how thou dost cometh before a tumble! As sure enough the day dawned when I could no longer read small print on shampoo bottles and I was in danger of washing my eyes or worst still drinking the fruity herbal balm! What began as an inability to decipher how to open, cook, wash or assemble the simplest of things has deteriorated to a point where any written word smaller than font size ‘blind old git’ requires a pair of Specsavers best. However I do not take my reading glasses with me when I run I just blindly amble on past street signs and ‘do not enter’ notices consequently when my Endomondo App sends me a message I have to squint at it and hope that I do not press the self-destruct button. So today at 1.57 miles into my run I got a ‘Do you wish to continue with your workout?’ message instead of pressing the ‘cancel’ option ie cancel this message!! I instead pressed what I though was no (well I could only make out 2 letters!) which in actuality was ‘ok’ ergo I ended my recording! Then ensued much profaning and petulant stomping whilst I endeavoured to start again a recording, which had most definitely, been halted. I think I need to contact Endomondo and suggest they add a ‘do you want to resume a work out that you previously aborted because you are too blind to see the options we gave you?’ option. Through my blurred vision I managed to get going again but not before I had lost both time and distance from my record and struggled to get the signal, probably due to the huge over hanging trees I was under. It is pertinent to note here that at this point my iPod kicked in with the track Blurred Lines. So the lesson learned from today’s endeavours is cancel does not actually mean cancel, ok looks a lot like no and Blurred Lines is a great song. 


In spite of all technological failures, old age interruptions and pure stupidity I still managed to get out and do about 2 miles I recorded about two and possibly did a little more but due to my switching myself off I don’t have an accurate record so my stats this week are based on a rough calculation from five separate ‘workouts’. The legs are still holding up and the heart is still intent so that is good. We did Eurovision last week and the winner was bloody awful, have no more to add on that point! This week I think I will do nothing or at least that is the hope my Raison d'être and The Son and Heir may have other plans but for now I intend to put my feet up and maybe do some knitting!


For now I will close as always by saying thank you for your support and if you could see your way to logging onto my just giving page  https://www.justgiving.com/Janet-Lewis3 and sparing me a few pennies I and www.musculardystrophyuk.org would be most grateful.
Thank you

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